Life is Hard
This has been one of the hardest years of my life to date. Not because of financial difficulty; God has blessed me with a job with an ever-increasing paycheck. Not because of work stress; my job is very laid back and they let me get away with all kinds of stuff. Not because of lack of ministry opportunity; I’ve got a large Bible study group that I work with, as well as playing in the band for my local church, and I’ve got a side ministry going involving getting the churches together in Tucson to really enjoy time with the Lord together. And it’s not because of lack of challenge: I’ve got several websites that I’m building in a business we’ve started together, as well as another band I’m playing in, and a large stack of books I’m intending to read. It’s not really even because I lost a relationship with a girl whom I deeply care for, although I think that played a role.
No, this has been a hard year because I’ve been generally dissatisfied with myself, and struggling to figure out who I really am, and what I’m supposed to be doing with my life. Clearly, this is a very cliche battle, and I readily admit it. But it’s been a battle nonetheless. But I’m learning, and here’s a quick summary of the some of the lessons learned from this travail.
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I don’t have to be anybody else
A major struggle for me is that there are a few guys around who consistently get the praise and adoration I want because of their level of maturity, or their ability to cause laughs. I’ve not been blessed with an over abundance of understandable fun, apparently, and my maturity level (as shown in my weblog) ranks right in there with a postage stamp at times. So I get very jealous of these gentlemen, and it makes me very bitter. And that’s not a good thing. But I must remember that God did not create me to be them. Perhaps they have some skills and attributes that would be good for me to develop, but I don’t have to be them. In fact, to be them would violate both their reason for existence, as well as mine. Why would God want two of the same thing? God created me to be me, as disparaging as that can seem at times.
In John 21, John recounts an instance where Jesus was talking to Peter and said to him, “Follow me,” and went on to account how Peter would get to die for Jesus. Peter then sees John and asks Jesus, “Well, what about him?”. Jesus immediately replies (v22) “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
This is the same calling on my life. I am called to do nothing except follow Christ. I am not to compare myself to those around me, even if they obtain the praise and adoration I crave, and simply pursue Jesus and nothing else. To do anything else is a sin, and a disservice both to me, my God, and those I would be serving.
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Love has nothing to do with you
To burden someone else because of your feelings is the wrong thing to do. I’ve seen it happen on multiple occasions to/by friends of mine, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been guilty of it. I don’t want that to happen. Ever. To love someone is to consistently put their best interests first, not your feeble fleeting feelings. [If only I could make my feelings agree].
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God’s timing is perfect.
At least it better be, or I’m going to be very dissappointed; I’m banking rather heavily on this one. Ps 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord. Be strong, and let your heart take courage. Yes, wait for the Lord.” Okay, will do.
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There are tons of amazing people around me
I got lured into thinking that I was devoid of any good quality people around me. Then God opened my eyes. I won’t name them, but I am surrounded. If you’re reading this, you’re probably one of them. Thank you for being alive and letting me know you.
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Life Hurts
I’ve only gotten a taste of the pain life can bring, and I’m nearly overwhelmed at times. 2 Timothy 3:1 says, “Know this also, in the last days, perilous times shall come.” Jesus also talks much of realizing that persecution will come. Because of sin, we have to deal with a lot of dissappointment, hurt, and guilt. And it sucks. But Jesus has come to set us free from that. We don’t have to let it get us down. (Gal 5:1)
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The only profitable end of man is to glorify God
The book of Ecclesiastes talks at length about the vanity of life, and futility of all human endeavor. I can attest to this feeling. My job is a great job, but it has little eternal value. As a result, I struggle with caring about it. But I realized that I could feel trapped in whatever I am doing. So, then, what is the goal to which we can all strive? What end is there with any profit whatsoever? Relationships. And specifically, a relationship with the everlasting God. Anything He has us do will be ultimately satisfying, because He is the only thing that is ultimately satisfying. As Ecclesiastes says at the end, (ch 12 v13) “Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.” And Psalm 25:12, “Who, then, is the man that fears the LORD ? He will instruct him in the way chosen for him.” (boldness added).
These ponderings have caused me no end to frustration and, at times, tears. I have incredible difficulty losing my life (Matt 16:25), yet I firmly hold to the belief that the Almight God has a plan and continues to work it out in my life. And I will gladly suffer this difficult year if I come out of it more firmly rooted in Him.
September 18th, 2006 at 11:15 pm
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